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My favourite MP, Sir Ian Bowler has broken cover on the News Of The World phone hacking story to make a quite shocking statement. Leave any comments for him below…

It’s been quite a year for my favourite MP. He stood down as Labour MP for Buckland and Ruttington, and stood up as Conservative candidate, beating himself soundly.

He was then deeply involved in the negotiations over the Coalition Agreement, which he insisted include a stipulation that non-jellied puddings be standard at Cabinet meetings. Political observers believe this to be a jibe at Danny Alexander, who likes nothing more than a bowl of jelly and ice cream after a hard day at the coal face. The coal face made up of newly-redundant teaching assistants.

Anyway, why not look back at how much (fashions, political realities, hairlines) has changed in the last year.

This is A Year In Bowler…

In April he suffered the shame and ignominy of having to resign. For a month.

After the election, his highly publicised spat with Alastair Campbell on Sky News led to his developing an entirely new colour in his cheeks. Scientists have provisionally named it ‘Megapuce’.

Sir Ian is so brilliant at using his computer he accidentally split this overlong video in two. Why not be the first person to ever watch both parts? (Because that would be dull.)

In late summer, Sir Ian was drafted in to help explain the changes in the child benefit system to a perplexed country. He did so by exploiting vulnerable youngsters, much in the same way he solved Buckland’s shocking lack of bootblacks and chimney sweeps.

Sir Ian decided to sing his opposition to the students. Because it rhymed. Sort of.

Enraged by his musical response, the students marched on London, and caught Sir Ian inside Millbank Tower.

Early this year, Sir Ian went on a speaking tour to explain our foreign policy…

And to berate sleepy financial experts.

And just last week he made sure that we all understood AV. What a legend.

Last Friday, Sir Ian Bowler was at Quadrofunnier, at which he gave everyone the benefit of his insights on Libya, control orders, the economy, and Genesis.

Sir Ian Bowler made a public appearance last Friday night to address Libya, the forests, and anything else that drifted into his tired, rancid little mind.

Here are the results…

(Warning: Many of these videos contain adult language and situations, varying picture quality, and frequent uses of ‘the c-word’. Usually in reference to Nick Clegg.)

The Coalition may be a disaster for old people, young people, poor people, disabled people, students, aircraft carriers, unemployed people, people who buy things, people with children, ill people, people who like sports, people who hate sports, and women. But for some of us things have never been better. Those of us in the musical comedy or protest singing games are experiencing a boom time. Us and the people who make riot shields.

Ever since the election there has been a profusion of online video activity: songs, raps, and poems all pouring out at an incredible rate. This is partially due to the availability of smartphones, and the fact that people can watch videos almost anywhere, at almost any time. It’s also, however, because of a palpable sense of anger, directed particularly at the Lib Dems, and, even more particularly, at Nick Clegg. Which serves him right for making this video: Liberal Democrats – Say Goodbye To Broken Promises

The videos range from the furious to the funny, from the wry and disappointed to the barely coherent rant. Perhaps the most obscene of them all is actually in danger of charting this weekend. Yes, on Sunday afternoon we’re in danger tuning into the chart countdown only to hear Kunt And The Gang’s “Use My Arsehole As C*nt (The Nick Clegg Story). More on that at the end.

I’ve trawled through the cuts-related songs, and have come up with a Top Ten. Sort of. There are ten of them anyway. So get your rioting shoes on, and boogie on down to the following inappropriate sounds…

10) Dan Bull – Another Prick In Whitehall

Even-tempered monotone rapper Dan Bull hoists Nick Clegg by his own petard, in a wonderfully bleak reworking of Pink Floyd’s ‘The Wall’. A delight.

9) Mitch Benn – I’m Proud Of The BBC

One of the earlier examples of the form, and although specifically relating to the BBC, this set much of the template for a lot of the songs that were to follow. The rest of the template is of people trying to rhyme the word ‘Clegg’ with the word ‘cock’. Sometimes with a surprising amount of success.

8 Sir Ian Bowler – Dear Students

This is one of mine. Some people like it. I am saying no more about it.

7) SUARTS – Can’t Cut This

Some impressive dancing in this MC Hammer parody from the students at SU Arts. But when, oh when, will someone tackle Sir Mixalot’s “I Like Big Cuts (And I Cannot Lie)”

6) Grace Petrie – Emily Davison Blues

This one’s not a comedy song, but a heartfelt protest song in the great British tradition. If they achieve nothing else, the Coalition can retire to their country estates knowing that they’ve led to a revival in earnest songs written in the first person plural that overuse the words “this land”. Beautiful and angry.

5) Dan Bull – Millbank Wankers

Lyrical reasonablist Dan Bull has another go this time in the sole example of the pro-police protest song on this list. Or, I should imagine, any other list…

4) Lee Kern – MERRY CHRISTMAS (X-FACTOR’S OVER)

Lee Kern gives a blast of pure, visceral fury here. It’s not actually to do with the cuts at all, it’s about X-Factor, but I was getting really tired of listening to songs about Nick Clegg (I get it. He’s rubbish).

3) Captain SKA – Liar Liar

Old-school reggae. About Nick Clegg. We’re living in a world turned upside down.

2) Samuel Gaus & Unnamed Accomplice – Universities’ Lament

Samuel and his unnamed friend here come up with some entertaining harmonies, but shouldn’t they be in lessons? If they’ve got time to write songs, they’ve got time to work in a call centre to fund their degree…

1) Kunt And The Gang – Use My Arsehole As A C*nt (The Nick Clegg Story)

This is a glorious masterpiece of obscenity. A dazzling example of filth, and it’s currently at Number 78 in the charts. If they can sell 3,000 more copies by Sunday (iTunes link) then we all get to eat our Christmas dinner knowing that a song with title is currently nestled in our nation’s Top 40. And they’ll have to play it on the radio…

So that’s it. A breathtaking rundown of the exuberant creativity that’s been provoked by the Comprehensive Spending Review. Again, not a sentence you often hear. Right. I’m off to rhyme Cameron with something…

The police have just released this video, which was found in the wreckage of a fire extinguisher outside Millbank Tower on 12th November, 2010. Sir Ian Bowler has not been seen since. Our thoughts are with his family.

Here are the latest emissions from the ever-fattening head of Sir Ian Bowler.

(I will write some prose words for you to read soon, promise, just not at the moment.)

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