On the train the other day I was opposite a creature in thick glasses, who was talking to one of his friends in advertising about accounts he hadn’t landed. And how those accounts were ‘twats’.

When he got off, he left this behind him.

If you’re feeling like this year’s John Lewis ad could have done more to tug your heart strings, here you go:

INT. A DINING ROOM. AFTERNOON

Tinsel. Glitter. Wads of wrapping paper.

Sticky tape tuck to little fingers. Popcorn being strung. Glue spilled across a dining room table.

On the soundtrack: a slow, piano, 6/8 adaptation of a popular song. Perhaps “I Like To Move It Move It”, sung by a breathy contralto with a waver in her voice.

A dining room decorated with lots of pictures of family and pets.

Two children (4 and 6) sit at the table, making things. They are gluing, getting things stuck to their fingers, putting sticky stars on their eyelids, drawing, writing, arguing over the glitter pens. Both are deeply engrossed in construction.

From the kitchen a mother gazes on, smiling. Think Sarah Lund crossed with Linda Bellingham.

She looks out of the kitchen window, where:-

EXT. THE GARDEN. CONTINUOUS

A light frost has fallen. At the far end of the garden stand a little row of crosses. In front of each is a dilapidated tinsel ornament, obviously made by children.

Along the row, the names have been scrawled on the ornaments: Fluffy, Spike, Hammy, Peter The Fish.

INT. THE DINING ROOM CONTINUOUS

The mother looks back at the children, who are now finishing up. She looks across at a picture of the family: father, mother, children. In the corner is a cat.

She wipes a tear from her eye.

IN. FRONT HALL. LATER

The children are pulling on duffel coats, and getting into their wellies. The boy, younger, falls over, as he tries to get his foot in.

EXT. LATER

The children place their new ornament on some freshly dug earth.

We pull back to reveal that we are in a:

EXT. GRAVEYARD

And they are standing in front of a gravestone.

The little girl pulls at her brother’s hand, and they all walk away with the mother.

On the ornament is a sign saying: “Daddy”

CAPTION: Merry Christmas from John Lewis

Now, who wants to help me make this? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?

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